Parents v. Baby Einstein

Recently the Campaign For Commercial Free Childhood filed a complain with the FCC against Baby Einstein for "false advertising" and engaged in other legal shenanigans with them over this. My astonishment is not with any of this, but on the hoards of angry parents that have risen up demanding refunds from the Baby Einstein Company in shocked horror that *gasp* it turns out Baby Einstein wasn't really making geniuses out of their children. Parenting On Shine website reports that "This news has rocked the parenting world, which had embraced the videos as a miraculous child-rearing staple."

Are you freaking kidding me? False advertising or not, what person honestly buys into an idea that watching TV is good for their kids? Seriously? You thought that by plopping your kids down in front of a screen instead of spending quality time with them you were doing them a favor? That bright colors and hand puppets were doing anything more productive then amusing your kids so you didn't have to deal with them? How convenient for you.

You want to know what I think? I think there is a whole generation of kids being raised with TV as their full time babysitter, teacher, and guide to the world and somewhere in the back of all these adults minds was the knowledge that they were being shitty parents and failing miserably at the job they could never admit they didn't want as much as they thought they did. So when one jackass somewhere says "Oh! These movies will make your kid smarter!" they all latched onto it and said to one another "Oh, I AM being a good parent if I just make my kids watch this specific program. Then I can drink my coffee in peace without having to deal with the crying, the screaming, the scraped knees, and all those other pesky things commonly known as parenting." And suddenly they could drink that coffee free from the gnawing guilt they had previous been so frustrated by... and they were happy. I'm not buying for a second that anyone was really that dumb to believe that watching TV is good for their children, I think they just wanted an excuse... ANY excuse... to not spend the time doing all the hard parts of parenting.

For all your parents out there who are reading this going "What! Baby Einstein was misleading! I was misled! It's not my fault! Jenna, you're just a judgemental bitch!" but who know in their heart of hearts that I'm right, I have a message for you. NUT UP! You brought these little things into the world and made the choice to keep them so now it's your responsibility to do what needs to be done. Play with your kid, teach them the life lessons that they need to know, discipline them and help them grow into decent people. That isn't going above and beyond the call of duty or being a martyr... that's called doing your job.

Personally, I love Baby Einstein because every once in a while you do just need a break. Everyone, even the best best parents, are going to have those days when they get to their limit and need to drink their coffee in peace, and putting in a Baby Einstein DVD for 30 minutes so you can rejuvenate and be a good parents again is in my opinion astronomically better then putting on Sponge Bob. Having "one of those days" doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. But don't lie to yourself about it and try to convince anyone that them watching it is for their own good... just enjoy your coffee, savor the moment of relative serenity, then get back into your life.

Oh and for anyone who really is gullible enough to think that flickering pixels in your child's face was going to make them Mensa members... you're stupid. Sorry.