I like lotion as much as the next person (possible more so because I'm big fat giant pregnant and my stretch marks itch like a bitch so I have to use it 5 times a day to keep from scratching myself to death). I also like things that smell nice as much as the next person, and let's face it... bath products are a necessary part of life. My question is, when did these things become the only acceptable present for a female age 16-30?
Every year I celebrate this magical season by opening one sugary smelling gift after the other... all in different scents of course, so I can't even use multiple ones on the same day or I'll smell like a hobo who's been camping out behind the cosmetics counter at Dillard's for the past week. Or they come in a giant bath gift set with ten different scented articles, half of which I don't even know the use of. (Seriously, why do I need separate body wash and bubble bath? If you can't get an acceptable amount of bubbles from squirting some body wash under the tap when you're filling the tub then you are just being a greedy little bitch. Oh, and what the fuck is a bath salt?) I think it must be in the Bible somewhere and I've been missing it all these years... somewhere in the Christmas story there must be a verse "And thou shalt celebrate my birthday by assaulting one another with over-priced bottles of synethically scented pomegranate orange." (Gospel according to Bath and Body Works?)
My problem is not with the fact that I get these gifts but with the sheer quantity in which they come, they're like a slimy version of Lays potato chips... you can never have just one. This year I actually got not one, but two whole bath gift sets FROM THE SAME PERSON (I got plenty of other gifts in this category from other people too) and all I could think of was "Really? You don't think I have enough things to think about in my day without having to start it off by deciding between multiple brands of face wash?" (P.S. I am always going to use my own face wash... that is one bottle in the basket that will go straight in the trash.) Or I'll get the sampler lotion gift set that comes with six different full sized bottles of lotion... like I said, I love me some lotion but how would I ever use that much? The only person that gift is appropriate for is teenage boys, they are the only demographic that will ever go through lotion at that rate, though maybe for a different use then you intended.
What I don't understand though is why. Do 20 something women naturally smell bad and I didn't get the memo? Do we have abnormally dry and crusty skin and the world is trying to tell us? Or maybe it's just me... maybe I just smell bad and nobody up to this point in my life had been able to grow the balls to clue me in. If someone questions my hygiene I would really prefer they just tell me instead of sending these coded messages in snowflake covered decorative bags. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this moral quandary of whether or not it's kosher to move something directly from a gift bag to a trash bag.
If Jesus had the abounding opportunities to smell like vanilla and lavender like I do he totally would have had a happy birthday.
Every year I celebrate this magical season by opening one sugary smelling gift after the other... all in different scents of course, so I can't even use multiple ones on the same day or I'll smell like a hobo who's been camping out behind the cosmetics counter at Dillard's for the past week. Or they come in a giant bath gift set with ten different scented articles, half of which I don't even know the use of. (Seriously, why do I need separate body wash and bubble bath? If you can't get an acceptable amount of bubbles from squirting some body wash under the tap when you're filling the tub then you are just being a greedy little bitch. Oh, and what the fuck is a bath salt?) I think it must be in the Bible somewhere and I've been missing it all these years... somewhere in the Christmas story there must be a verse "And thou shalt celebrate my birthday by assaulting one another with over-priced bottles of synethically scented pomegranate orange." (Gospel according to Bath and Body Works?)
My problem is not with the fact that I get these gifts but with the sheer quantity in which they come, they're like a slimy version of Lays potato chips... you can never have just one. This year I actually got not one, but two whole bath gift sets FROM THE SAME PERSON (I got plenty of other gifts in this category from other people too) and all I could think of was "Really? You don't think I have enough things to think about in my day without having to start it off by deciding between multiple brands of face wash?" (P.S. I am always going to use my own face wash... that is one bottle in the basket that will go straight in the trash.) Or I'll get the sampler lotion gift set that comes with six different full sized bottles of lotion... like I said, I love me some lotion but how would I ever use that much? The only person that gift is appropriate for is teenage boys, they are the only demographic that will ever go through lotion at that rate, though maybe for a different use then you intended.
What I don't understand though is why. Do 20 something women naturally smell bad and I didn't get the memo? Do we have abnormally dry and crusty skin and the world is trying to tell us? Or maybe it's just me... maybe I just smell bad and nobody up to this point in my life had been able to grow the balls to clue me in. If someone questions my hygiene I would really prefer they just tell me instead of sending these coded messages in snowflake covered decorative bags. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this moral quandary of whether or not it's kosher to move something directly from a gift bag to a trash bag.
If Jesus had the abounding opportunities to smell like vanilla and lavender like I do he totally would have had a happy birthday.
