Stupidest Election Signs of 2010

Election season is upon us which means... an opportunity to engage as civicly minded and responsible citizens! Just kidding. It means every street corner, intersection, and bare bit of land in this damn state is once again covered with god awful election signs.

Election Signs [ih-lek-shuh n sahynz] noun: A notice of a candidates existence, affixed in public view, displaying pictures and short cliche phrases completely devoid of substance and unrelated to any current issue within the political sphere.

Well, as they say, when life gives you lemons points out how stupid those lemons are and then make fun of them relentlessly until the lemons voluntarily shrive up and cease to exist or you feel better about living in a world with said lemons. So without further ado...

THE STUPIDEST ELECTION SIGNS IN PHOENIX
(2010 edition)

Let's start by throwing (pun intended) some mad props to candidate David Fitzgerald. David Fitzgerald's sign features a picture of a football and the slogan "David Fitzgerald won't drop the ball!" Hey Fitzgerald, that's a fantastic election sign but it left me a little confused, are you running for a government position or for fucking homecoming king? What the fuck do I, an informed and concerned voter, care what sport you play and how proficiently you play it? I know, I know, it's a metaphor... a metaphor for "The best days of my life were in high school and now I have to resort to running for office to prove to myself that I'm still popular." Then there's the little edition slapped on the sign "endorsed by Sheriff Joe Arpaio". You might as well have just written "Fitzgerald: The Next Best Thing to Hitler!"

Well Fitzgerald, your macho bullshit self probably wouldn't have liked me much in high school, and your probably not going to like me now because I'm the only one with the balls to point out how fucking stupid your sign is.

P.S. If I wanted some jockstrap in office I would have voted for Bush, douchebag.

And now on to everyone's favorite governor Jan Brewer. Brewer has signs plastered all over the city of herself as Rosie the riveter. Let's review, Rosie the riveter is a cultural icon from WWII, also known as the end of the great depression... so Brewer, are you trying to remind us that we're in a recession or that we've spent the last eight years losing our friends, brothers, husbands, and sons in a war overseas? Basically, are you trying to rub my nose in the fact that our country is a giant bully, or the fact that last month I had to eat ramen so many nights I sweat MSG because our economy is in worse shape then Lindsey Lohans liver? Hey Brewer, while you're at it why don't you go ahead and remind me that my pet bunny is dead, that I'm covered in stretch marks, or that my math skills are below average. Bitch.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to my homie Justin Johnson, a senate hopeful who has flooded our fair city with giant pictures of him holding his baby up in the air in a quintessential made for TV movie freeze frame ending. (Cue credits.) I'm not even going to rag on Justin for how horribly cheesy these are... I'm sure he's gotten the message from whoever has been running around at night painting his babies face like a juggalo on all the signs.

Well Justin, I guess that's what you get when you whore your child out for votes, consider this a learning experience.