Skinny Jeans

Skinny jeans don't make me nearly as angry as they just make me sad. I am sad because a huge wave of American youth are being tricked into unknowingly wearing the most unflattering cut of pants that anyone ever could have come up with. Left to their own devices these kids could have had the chance to find pants that made them look ok, or at least not awful, but instead the entire fashion industry has told them it's "cool" to not look your best.

Dear Entire Youth Culture,
I am here today to tell you the truth that may be hard to hear, but believe me when I say that I tell you this because I love you. NOBODY LOOKS GOOD IN SKINNY JEANS. Nobody. Really.
That abnormally skinny 1% of the population, you think you can pull them off because you're so teeny tiny but they still usually make you look stubby, no one wants to look stubby. Just because you CAN pull them off doesn't mean they're the best idea for you. The other 99% if you are just making yourselves look unnecessarily fat by wearing them... you're not fat, you're healthy... or maybe you are a little fat, I don't know, but you could give yourself a much more flattering figure by just choosing a style of pants that fits your body type.
At this age you have enough self conscious body image issues to work through without purposely adding to them; you have zits, your hair never looks the way you want it to, you're trying to deal with a completely new body shape that you're not used to, I get it, I was there myself not so long ago. Most of that stuff you will just have to work through, but I guarantee you that you will feel just a little bit better by just wearing clothes that don't make you look worse then you need to look.
On a more selfish note, the rest of us don't want to see all of that, it makes us cringe to see all your flab giggling for the world to see and your muffin top rolling over... and yes, even when you're not fat that's usually what it looks like. We don't cringe because you're ugly, we cringe because we understand that you will regret this fashion decision later and we wish we could spare you that. And trust me, you will regret it. Skinny jeans are your generations answer to the acid washed jeans and MC Hammer pants that came before you although you don't realize it. When people who grew up in the 80's look at their high school pictures and are horrified by the giant bangs and outrageously colored jewelry, that's what these jeans are going to be for you later, and don't get me wrong, everyone will look back at pictures of themselves from a decade or two ago and laugh but there are some choices that nobody should have to come to grips with and skinny jeans are one of them. Spare yourselves, you'll be glad you did.

Sincerely,

Your Fashion Conscience

And on that note...
Dear Fashion Industry,
Stop it. These kids believe what you tell them and you're just lying. Stop it. It's just mean.